How what others say should really affect us

Last week a friend said something to me that completely threw me off my course. I felt hurt, angry and sad. I couldn’t form a single clear thought all day and the day after.
 
How what others say should really affect us

 
But I also knew that I couldn’t blame my friend for it. There was nothing he said that was wrong, nothing my friend had done that he didn’t have a perfect right to do. Sure, I didn’t like it. But so what, it wasn’t my business anyway. It wasn’t even about me. So where on earth did all those terrible emotions come from? Then suddenly, as I was standing outside in the sun, breathing the warm air, my mind cleared, and I had one single clear thought:
 
These emotions and thoughts had all been inside myself already – what my friend said had only brought them out for me to see.
 
It took my breath away, because I did not want to feel this way. I did not want to think that way. This is wasn’t something that I wanted to be a part of me! And I can only thank my friend for showing me without even knowing it.

Think about it. No one can say something to embarrass you, when you know in your heart that it is nothing to be embarrassed about. When someone says something that makes you angry, then was it really what they said? Or rather the fact that, unconsciously, you think that they might be right? Then maybe what you are really angry at are your own shortcomings, mistakes or behaviours.
You might get a strong feeling of hate or frustration because you don’t feel understood by others. But why is it so important for you to be understood in the first place? Don’t you do what you do, believe what you believe, because you feel that it is the right thing? Then can it be that your anger at the misunderstanding actually comes from your longing to be recognised for all that you do? For all the actions you take, and sacrifices you make because of what you believe is right?

Don’t blame the people around you for bringing it to the surface. Wether they say things on purpose or by accident. Instead, silently thank them for making you aware of it. They brought it out for you to see. It means that you can now recognise it and heal. This is not easy. It is one thing to recognise that what you feel was hidden inside you all along. It can be a difficult task to find out why it is there and what has caused it. The one thing to remember is that it did not come from the one who said it. Then perhaps you can find and destroy the real source of what made you feel it.

When people make you feel happy, grateful and loved, then recognise that they could only do this because you already had that feeling in you. After all, if you think that you do not deserve love and happiness – how could someone else ever really make you feel it? It means that the love you feel does not depend purely on someone else. And the happiness you have does not depend on something you do. It is already inside you, and the people and actions around you remind you of it constantly.

And that’s how we should deal with the things that people say to us.


text ©Michael Herold  Safe Creative #1401030108909
image ©iStock.com/AntonioGuillem

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